I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
