Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
