Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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