Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
