i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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