I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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