Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
