who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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