I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
if i died would you start the facebook group?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
