when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I stole a fireplace last night.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
