the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
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