I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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