when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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