Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
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I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
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Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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