Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
