So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
