Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
