FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
