i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
