Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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