Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
