Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
