I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
