I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
FUCK WHALES
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
