I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Who died my cat blue again?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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