So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
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Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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