Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
