I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
