The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
