you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
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So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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