I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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