my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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