Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
