You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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