I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
