Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
