my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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