A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
