I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
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