Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
