who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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