Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
