a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
