I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
