I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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