just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
