lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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