I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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