I CAN MOONWALK!
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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