My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
