you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
