my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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