I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
