I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
