I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
