being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
