I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
