I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
