Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
