I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I could fuck to npr.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
