I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
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So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
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You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize