You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
