Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
