if you like me you must not know who I am
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
