There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
