I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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