Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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