So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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