I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
