remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
