Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
