i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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