new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
