I must be too annoying 4 u.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
