After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
